Forget the marketing, buzzwordy, zeitgeisty stuff out there telling us that we’ve got to say yes to life. That ‘yes’ is the magic answer to changing what’s stuck and stagnant. That ‘yes’ is the invitation the universe is waiting to hear from you in order to give you the life you’ve always dreamed of.
And to that I say… Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. N.O.P.E.
You might be thinking that this is surely a negative way to go about being happier and more fulfilled in the everyday… You’re thinking, but how will new and fun things appear in my life if I’m shutting shit down with “No”?
The truth is - and in all honesty, it totally took me time and practice to really get this - saying ‘no’ actually creates space.
It leaves room. It means that there is less on the plate. It means you can actually even finish what’s on the plate and then assess if you want more of the same or serve of dessert instead!
Think of it this way, if your diary was practicing the Kon Marie method of ‘only keeping what brings you joy’ then the only things you would be doing outside of your foundational life responsibilities (job/ family/ breathing/ eating/sleeping/sex) would be the things you actually bloody want to do. And better yet, things that you even enjoy! Hey now, what a miracle!
There is literally no downside to this.
How can you deny yourself the things that light you up, make you feel good and put a smile on your face? Or if you don’t yet know what these things are, you’re gonna need time and energy to find them out - something’s gotta give!
So, repeat after me, “Just say no”. Even just one time. Experiment a little. Tell a lie if necessary.
“I am so sorry Sally, I’d love to be there to celebrate your Fluffy’s 5th birthday, but I’ve gotta deadline / family commitment / appointment I simply can’t get out of”.
Saying no is one of the most powerful ways to remember and reinforce the agency and control which you have over your own life. For some of us this is even tougher than comparisonitis! And if you find that saying no even once, for a low-stakes event such as you friend's fur baby party, is testing or stressing you, then that is truly something worth further contemplation.
Ask yourself, who/ what/ where would you be if you weren’t fulfilling obligations and meeting expectations of friendship/ family/ acquaintances?
What if these expectations were presumed and were actually untrue, possibly even imagined projections that you’ve blamed on those around you. I mean, how sure are you that Sally will disown you as a friend because you’re unable to make it this one time? May be it’s time you put your presumptions to the test?
Try saying no, or cancelling one non-critical activity or event this week Beauty. See what happens when you open up a little time and space by politely declining.
I’d love to hear how you get on.